Intensity of Existence
The fullness of existence, so necessary for the effective development of the Magus’s mind, requires him to lead a high intensity life.
By heating his mind to a white heat, the Magus gains the ability not only to step beyond the limits imposed on him by predators and parasites, but also to fundamentally change his mode of existence, transforming himself from a consumer of resources into their generator.
Usually a person exists at a very low level of awareness, sufficient to meet his needs and generate awareness to the degree that allows him, on the one hand, to somehow function in the world, but on the other, he cannot look beyond. Ordinary mind merely sustains the dim glow of its attention, not striving to illuminate the dark regions within and around its domain.
This asthenia of mind, the absence of inner tension, of vital tone, often means that a person’s life, strictly speaking, can only be called life with considerable strain, since it fails to fulfill its chief task — awareness, awareness of oneself and the world.
Such existence is not only ideologically unworthy; it brings the person neither satisfaction nor meaning.
Magic begins precisely when a person can no longer linger in a ‘vegetative’ state, when he yearns for intense engagement, realization, and active exertion of his mind.
The Magus trains himself gradually, step by step, degree by degree, to increase the intensity of his existence, realizing his desires, entering into contests with Power, contacting it, and, in general, constantly striving for development and new horizons of the mind.
At the same time, the Magus is absorbed neither in activity nor in contemplation, constantly balancing on the edge between full immersion in battle and complete immersion in the intricacies of the Psychocosmos, while remaining an integral and mobile unit of willpower. The Magus understands that both the possible uniformity of his mind and the actual reality are manifestations of a single non‑dual reality, the state of which depends only on the point of view.
Therefore, if for a person a perfectly adequate “excuse” from developing awareness is the claim “I do not understand this” or “I do not know,” then for the Magus “lack of understanding” is merely a stimulus to apply attention in a particular direction, for developing his worldview along some new vector, and, if necessary, for its reconstruction.
The same goes for the other principles: the Magus strives for maximum understanding, for fullness of feeling, and for high fervor of will, never content with smoldering, but seeking a bright blaze. Only by “pushing to the limit” of its possibilities can the mind discover those limits, and therefore overcome them, go beyond them, reaching ever new degrees of development and creativity.
I remember, just recently, when I fulfilled all my desires regarding my development, through I cannot.. the world became simply magical. More strange things, more incidents, strange people with a close view of the world found me. But consciousness also quickly faded, and it became even worse than before.. Now I do not feel myself at all. Tell me, Enmerkar, what could be a novice’s mistake? Not just a novice, but an ordinary person who understood that this is their… the Path they have always sought, having known since childhood that they were created for more than just a dreary procession, and so it has not left me. You dive into activity and everything is fine, but then comes total inaction or the illusion of activity.. And so again and again. Something needs to be done differently, approached from another side, but what?
Of course, the more power consciousness accumulates, the larger predators it attracts. Perhaps, at some point, you ‘snapped’, stumbled, and the mistake could have been in anything, but most likely in some explicit or implicit ‘weakening of the grip’. And as a result – you were ‘devoured’, exhausted, and therefore the energy level dropped sharply. Now you will have to get up and again proceed step by step, and the repeated ascent will be more difficult since the enemies are already aware of your existence, and thus – they will be even more vigilant. After all, a fall is always more painful the higher it occurs from. But for a mage who has set out on the Path, there is still no choice, they will never agree to an ordinary, ‘low-frequency’ existence after tasting the flavor of Power.
Thank you for the answer. This is very important for me. Yes, what you described is very similar to what is happening to me. You helped me recall those events. Hmm. There was another interesting moment. As long as I can remember, I dream the same dream, at least twice a week. That is, very often. In theory, a nightmare, but for understandable reasons, I have already gotten used to it, so I don’t particularly notice it.. And the dream is very simple – I cannot move in it. At most, I can wriggle 🙂 The sensations are very strange. The more you try to resist, the worse it gets, the more it restricts you. It feels as if the body itself does not want to move; I cannot describe it adequately. And fear, how could there be without it?) One can even wake up halfway, as if being awake already, and even for a time open one’s eyes in an attempt to surface from the dream.. So what I am getting at.. is that during this period of intense battle, this dream gradually began to change along with the events. I became easier to get rid of this nightmare. And one day in such a dream, instead of fear, I felt rage. Very strong. Not malice, nor hatred, but rage. And the strength to resist this. As a result, the dream ended more quickly; I waved my hand up (imagine being bound and breaking the chains with one motion) and woke up. Such lightness and strength in movement in a dream had never been before. And I must say, I really liked that feeling.. How to explain the connection between those events and the dream? Intuitively, I understand.
Hmm. This sounds silly, I apologize) Well, the battle is lost, but not the war as a whole. I am alive and refuse to give up. In the state I am in, there is still no life.. An illusion, but not life. My conscience does not allow me to take more of your time. You have already helped me greatly, I have gathered my thoughts a bit and better understand what to do next. But still, I have one more question. There is a strange feeling of blindness.. I feel it especially strongly in the forest. Perhaps it is something similar to what a person who has gone blind might feel. Only here it’s not about sight, but something inside. As if I could once see more… and it was taken away. It’s very disgusting and unpleasant; I want to perceive the whole picture, but the corresponding ‘organ’ is either missing or not working. That’s how it is. Have you ever encountered something like this?
When you experienced unity with the Power, returning to a human state is always painful. And what used to seem ‘in order’, now seems a terrible limitation. Unfortunately, the reality is that people with their merciless and selfish technological civilization have aligned very strongly against nature. And, in the grand scheme of things, when a person enters the forest, they do not return to their ancestral home, to the cradle of their spirit, but they enter the company of frightened and angry beings, expecting nothing but pain and destruction from them. But a person does not feel this exacerbation of relations with nature; a mage does. Well, when feelings weaken – the sensation of incompleteness of perception arises.
Ordinary people also feel that something bad is happening. Today I was in a grove that was planted about 50 years ago – freshly cut acacia stumps – a dreadful feeling… like at a funeral. People are stealing wood because they can’t afford to pay for heating with gas.(( Recently, part of the central park in a neighboring town was cut down – there were such beautiful Japanese safora trees growing there! – the authorities are clearing space for shopping centers. Believe me, many people feel both the “escalation of relations” and bitter powerlessness. But those who know what to do and have the strength to change the situation are not around yet. Or I don’t see them. Yes… we really need a Mag like that in the city!
Fox, I am familiar with your feelings related to sleep) However, I have experienced them for many years and do not pay attention to them anymore. It feels as though you are sleeping with open eyes. You understand that you are sleeping but see the room and bed in gray tones and want to move, but you cannot, and you want to shake it off and wake up, but you cannot. An annoying feeling of dangerous deadlock. And to get out of this state, it is necessary to manifest will, as something strongly hinders you from doing this and seems to whisper ‘Well, don’t move… everything is fine.’ In waking life, I have a state as if I am in a cocoon or under a film. A desire to break free. But for that, strength is needed, and I currently lack it. Along with this, there is a desire to reject everything. I don’t know why it is so… to demolish everything I’ve understood and start building anew, but in a different way. It feels like everything I knew has somehow grouped together and is trying to form into something new. Only it’s still unclear how this new thing needs to be constructed.
“In waking life, I am in a state as if I am in a cocoon or under a film.” Right on point. Sometimes there are moments when I momentarily wake up. Then I think or say two words – ‘I am here’. For me, these words reflect what I feel. They help me stay in this state longer. In any case, you will have to build anew. And not just once. Sometimes by simply adding something new to the existing picture, and sometimes completely destroying it and forming a different one. So do not be afraid) Well, apparently we are on the same stage. Write down my email fox.magnificent@gmail.com I think we may find each other’s experiences useful. Thank you very much for writing; I no longer feel so lonely) In our case, it is best just to do.. Think less and do more. Do what you are not used to. Train yourself every day, change everything inch by inch. And if you think too much, then more reasons will emerge in your head not to do this) In general, moving forward, even if not exactly where, is better than standing still. Although, frankly, it’s not worth listening to me since I wrote above that I’m terrible at moving forward)
Hmm… There is something familiar about this… Only I still can’t figure out whether it is from the past or the future. As if I have heard this story before, as if I told it myself, only not quite like that. Thank you to all participants in the discussion and the esteemed author of the blog. It has come in very handy at this moment.
Alira, this story is eternal:) The guys are trying to find themselves. They are trying to wake up in a new self. They are trying to enter a World where they are more whole, genuine, and capable. Some part of them remembers (knows) what they are striving for and leads them there. Of course, you are familiar with this story:) Fox and Numen – good luck!
I remember, a Good Friend, after describing approximately the same state, said: ‘You just have no personal energy left… And now the most interesting begins, you just need to survive and do what you know how to do, not for interest, but for normal life…’ To this day, I still perform tensegrity and mantras… 🙂
Sincerely thank you) The chances are slim, but they exist 🙂 And good luck on your path.
Thank you, first of all, to the author of the site and all participants in the discussion. I had the same experience, only I somehow managed to save the whole world even in my sleep. A sort of superman. Over time, developing the technique of lucid dreaming, I began to change the scenarios. Energy began to increase. By the way, about simply surviving. At first, yes, the energy is enough to simply survive, but it helped me to live, enjoying every second of life, at first through force. Jogging helped a lot (You grab yourself by the scruff and run), while also pumping energy in any known way. The main thing at this time is to be prepared for enemy attacks. They became activated as soon as I ‘weakened the grip’. In the evening, I praise myself that every day I am able to resist better and set ‘landmarks’ for my further path.
Thank you Amenhotep, and good luck and Strength to you! Fox, regarding the necessity to go, you are indeed right. Right now, I am just going. My Motto of the Day at this time is – ‘If I am here, then I must be here.’ I do not look around; I just go and pick up everything that comes my way. Some things I immediately discard without regret, while I take others with me. At this moment, I am beginning to understand the expression – ‘Every contact is teaching.’ My nickname on VKontakte is ‘Kmet Perunov’. Earlier, before attending the Seminar, my nickname on this blog was Kmet.