Freedom from Freedom

Very often, once one recognizes one’s position as a victim — carefully nurtured by the Parasite of mind — one begins to try to wrench free from the predator’s tenacious grasp.

Of course, such recognition is already the result of considerable effort and of a long Way travelled to attain it. And of course, to someone who has made progress in this awareness it seems that, since his methods worked and brought him to this awareness, they must be correct and continue to work.

However, until this understanding is truly internalized (as usual, I do not mean intellectual understanding; I mean precisely deep awareness), the person does not yet pose a serious threat to the Parasite, and it forgives him many things (‘whatever amuses a child…’).

Naturally, so long as a person does not see the Parasite’s influence on his actions, thoughts, and feelings, the Parasite enjoys a relative freedom of action. But if it is discovered, its behavior changes.

As soon as the Parasite becomes aware that it has been seen and will be opposed, it sharply changes its tactics: it begins to instill in the “fighter” a sense of his own righteousness, of his grandeur, and of the stupidity and worthlessness of others. The Parasite pretends to flee in terror, as if impressed by the “grandeur” of the one who discovered it, thereby further fueling that feeling of superiority. As a result, the “victor” ceases the struggle and begins to teach others how to get rid of the Parasite — does he not know? — after all, he has already won; he has “grown spiritually.”

The chief sign that this exact pattern is at work is intolerance toward other views, an insistence on one’s own Way as, if not the only, then at least the most appropriate. All other ways and opinions are declared delusions, “brain pollution,” and the like. This stance is, of course, subconsciously explained by a feeling of “competition,” but on an even deeper level it is a manifestation of that same Parasite of mind.

Let us once more try to untangle the Parasite’s strategy. Being an internal predator, it must seek nourishment. This nourishment for it is the energy dissipated by awareness — that is, already drawn from the realm of vital energy, but not assimilated into energy of awareness. The Parasite walks a fine line: on the one hand, it needs to cause the mind to dissipate as much energy as possible, but on the other — to avoid excessive loss of that energy and the death of its host. To this end, the Parasite causes the person to act inefficiently yet feeling comfortable.

In an “advanced” mind, such inefficiency manifests primarily in shifting attention from oneself to others, in abandoning self-work and becoming actively absorbed in educating others, and in attempts to replace others’ Way with one’s own. Although teaching is a necessary stage of advancement, and after a certain point one’s own development becomes impossible without transmitting knowledge and Power, there is a fine line which, once crossed, turns a person from transmitting knowledge into imposing his own experience.

How can this happen, when he believes himself already free, when he thinks he knows how to attain freedom! But precisely the attempt to impose his freedom narrows his field of vision and causes him to lose energy — the very thing the Parasite sought. The sad truth is that as long as a person is alive, one cannot rid oneself of the Parasite, whose existence one owes to upbringing, to his personality. The Parasite of awareness is integral to an embodied being, and all that one can do within the limits of embodiment is to try to rely on the Parasite as little as possible, and the whole life of the person turns into a struggle in which there is no respite.

Of course, a respite is desirable for the Parasite as well. And it constantly tries to implant the thought in its host of liberation, of victory. The easiest way to do this is to idealize one’s own Way. “Yes, nobody managed to get rid of the Parasite, but they were fools, they did not know what I know” — a typical example of such a ruse. The feeling of superiority is born of the humiliation of others. Instead of spending time explaining precisely where others are wrong, it is far more effective to ponder where they may be right. Instead of seeking points of disagreement, it is more productive to find points of contact. How uncharacteristic of teachers!

But it is precisely utmost tolerance that distinguishes a skilled teacher. He understands that any view, any Way that personally seems unsuitable or inappropriate may suit another person. He understands that there are no “right” and “wrong” ways, only suitable and unsuitable ones. Nevertheless, this does not mean that the world should be blindly accepted as “harmony,” beautiful in everything. Such an approach also implies a renunciation of the personal struggle and its replacement by admiring the cosmos, with all its flaws and vices. Only by concentrating on one’s personal battle can one hope not only to master oneself but also to help others to win.